Brazil for gringos

So.... believe it or not, there are some people, when I say some I mean LOOOOOTS, that have no clue what is like in Brazil. I had been asked absurd questions that make me furious, but at the end I just laugh cause poor people those who can't or just don't bother to learn about other countries at all. Some of them because they think they don't have  to since they have "everything" they need in their compact world "MERICA!" . 

Here is the top 3 questions that I have been asked, or friends of mine have. 

"Does it have power in Brazil?" 

ANSWER this person deserved: "Nope, we just send smoke signals to each other, shower in the beach and cook in bonfires just like in the old times." 

"Dos it have streets like, you know, that cars can drive through?" 

A- What? OF COURSE not, we just swing naked from trees to trees. I already got involved in a accident with a monkey. Poor monkey did not survive the crash. 

"You speak spanish , right?" 

A- Totally. Portuguese is just another name for Spanish because, hmm, we just thought it was prettier to call it Portuguese instead, but in fact it is all the same shit just like Italian and french. 

I am gonna try to make it easier for you to understand my people. Yep, I call them my people, cause I like to call them "my people". Something wrong with that? Thank you! Have I tell you that you are beautiful today? Yes, you are! Oh Stop it! Thanks, I know I am beautiful too. Continuing... 

Well, it is hard to start explaining how different the Brazilian culture is. It is not superior or inferior to any other culture around the world, it is only unique and different on its own way.

I am Brazilian and I am still learning new facts about my own culture. My country is the 5th biggest country in the entire world, and the largest country in South America and in the Southern Hemisphere. We have a combination of people like no other country. Something I always used to hear from my geography teachers is that if you look at the classroom you would see 30 completely different looking people with distinct backgrounds and education.  Everybody just getting along like if we were all part of a big family. Something that you don't see in some countries, but because in the past Brazil was the target for people looking for a better chance to prosper in life, believe it or not, we have been influenced from other cultures as well. For ex, my great mother went to Brazil hidden at the bottom of a marine ship when she was 7 years old. Her family hoped to get a better life in Brazil as did hundreds of Italian families as well. Yes, MAMMA MIA, we are very Italian and are very loud ! Super loud! Hey dirty mind, it is not what you are thinking...

To show you some of our, hmmmm, behave? Uniqueness  Is that such a word? I  am not sure and too lazy to google it, then I am gonna stick with behave, I selected some youtube videos that express for itself some of the most popular musics from my country. Some of them might not even make sense, or the english is bad, or they simply translated it word by word, but they still fun to watch! I promise I am gonna show you weird stuff. Maybe I will. Guess you will have to trust me...MUAHAHAHAHAH! 

By watching does videos you can understand why my people is always with a smile on our face. The reason is that we are always singing about going to a bar and getting wasted or laid. How is that any different from the rest of the world? I don't know. You watch it, and then tell me! 

Medley in Brazil - Brazilian Country - "Lets drink!"

In this video you have parts of some of the most popular Brazilian country songs. I remember having barbecue with my entire family every weekend in our backyard. Having lots of meat, garlic and cheese bread, and my dad taking care of the grill. Everybody having a good time, and dancing to these songs. Barbecue, bear, and country music is one of the best recipe for a great weekend with family and friends , and a swimming pool might just make it epic. (Brazil is hot as hell,  but you knew that, right?
No, that is not my family , and I bet they are actually listening to funk  instead of country, but hey, same lyrics but different melodies. Why I posted it? Cause I want to! and maybe cause I am too lazy to look for a better picture. CLOSE ENOUGH!
Now you tell me, "omg these songs are horrible". Well, I know that lyrics are not that great, but hey, who cares? We are there for the fun, not to get good quality and deep lyrics. No! We want to forget about stuff, not to thing about lyrics. Anyways, it is not that bad if you compare it with what people listed nowadays  Want me to show you? Ok here it goes me singing for you, only cause you, my reader, are especial to me - "Can you blow my whistle  babe, whistle babe, let me know!" - See what I am talking about? I caught myself singing this shit next to my host kids a few times without noticing what it meant. One day my boyfriend asked if I knew, and I said "duh, he is talking about the thingy that you whistle , right?" . Of course, he laughed. Then he explained the deep meaning of whistling. I am ashamed and I hope that my host kids don't know the meaning of it either. 

Garcon, next video, please?

Medley in Brazil - Mamonas Assasinas! 

HO HO HO, NOSTALGIA ! Mamonas Assasinas - the name of  the band who originally recorded this beautiful entertaining song (MASTERPIECE) . OMG, I grew up listening to this. You know that kind of music that is just so bad that is good? Yep, that is it. They were different than any other band I have ever seen. If you think that Lady Gaga, Madonna, or Nick Minajji (how do I spell this bitch name?) are weird, you should have seen what those guys were doing in 1995. They were weird before it was cool. It was like a fever, not a bieber fever, please, it was better than that. Everybody loved them and everybody knew the lyrics by heart.

You must be asking yourself, what the heck "Mamonas Assasinas" means. Ok, I am going to try to help you. Mamonas is a typical Brazilian fruit from Mamomeiras tree, and it is easily found. Because of its looks, kind of spiky, children use them as weapons when playing with friend. Basically, the translation would be "Killing Mamonas"  or like my friend google translator thinks is the best translation (I am not saying I agree with it) "Mamonas killers" .... it is up to you!

If thrown very fast, it hurts ! (I used to throw those at the people waking in the streets.  Good times)

Now , I kind of wonder what was wrong with my mom who allowed to sing their songs, cause I am older, and I can see they are not very appropriated for kids. However, they were as much popular among the kids as they were for grownups.

that is how they did it! AWESOME, and colorful clothes and weird but fun lyrics. 

Unfortunately, as fast as their fame came, it also ended tragically. In 1996, an air plane crash ended with the dream of world mamonization, killing all the members of the band. I was too young when it happened, like 5, but I remember how the entire country stopped to watch the news and cry over the tragedy. Every year or so, some of the biggest tv networks in brazil show a special about Mamonas. Trying to keep alive all the joy that they brought to us when they were still alive. Sooooooooooo, cause I love them, and cause I love you (Sorry, I don't really love you, but if you buy me a coffee we can sort this out), I am gonna post the original video from the brilliant Mamomas Assasinas!

BRACE YOURSELF, or not, do what you want, whatever...It is not like I care, you never listen to me...Play that already, ok? 

Sorry for the quality, but the video is from 1995.

"Sou foda" - Brazilian Web Hit
Ok, like if I have not shown you enough weirdness....hummm, I decided that I have not,so the next video is a web hit from  two years ago I think, or so... It does not matter. But, because it is so horrible, it became a web hit, and it created an expression that was very used by me (and half of the Brazilian population with money to have shitty internet like me) - "Dig din dig din dig din I am awesome" . Hey don't judge me, it is just so catchy and I tend to like weird things, anyways...

Just play the translation version already...

Now, for my amusement, the original ....(Welcome to the weird part of the internet)

Enough weirdness? Nah, there are more... but I am saving it for another time! 

I know some people will say "Oh Stefani, you are not helping with what the world will think of us by showing people those weird videos" 

WELL... I DON'T CARE! It does not matter what I post here, people will think of us Brazilians what they want to think. That Brazil is all about carnival and soccer. GUESS WHAT? We are not! WE are weirdos too, and I just proved that to you! I would rather be known as the source of weird videos than the extremely sexual and violent country like some people were made believe that we are. Unfortunately, while people still believing in everything they watch on movies or the tv, we are always going to be recognized only by our weaknesses. 

So hey, let them laugh about us! CAUSE I AM LAUGHING MY AS** OFF , WE ARE FABULOUS!  

Dig din, dig din, I AM AWESOME! See you next post! 
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